you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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