This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
