I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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