NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
