I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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