i just had sex bonerless
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
