somebody snuck up and got me drunk
id be glad to
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
