Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
