it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
