You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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