everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
