Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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