They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
