I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
