i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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