Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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