Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
