I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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