Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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