What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
