Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize