Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
