Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
