The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
