You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm both gender and math confused
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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