Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
