I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
