I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
