My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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