Apparently you make a good broom.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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