i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
