The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
