i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
