It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
