I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
