I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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