just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
