I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
