Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
