Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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