when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
