ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
