..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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