I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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