It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
