Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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