and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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