I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
