What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
