Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
