i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
