ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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