you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
