you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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