dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
