um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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