Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
