Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
