just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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