90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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