Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
