I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
