So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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