You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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