i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
