Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
