If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
